tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-128181052024-03-07T11:22:32.037+05:00Jim Screechy- Cynical Jamaican Social, Political & Media Commentary (Not a blog bitches)DISCLAIMER: If you're no fan of insult comedy or you take things too damn seriously,YOU WON'T feel welcome on this site!
Bored at work? Ever had something to say about Jamaican Culture and didn't know how?
I'm Jim Screechy, and I aim to please any appetite for unconventional Jamaican Political, Social or Media bashing! Have a grouse? No? Then just sit back and read me blab and spout my criticism about current events, or just about any damn thing I please to.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-52889870158263005242007-10-16T05:50:00.001+05:002007-10-16T05:50:40.387+05:00Truth or Farce?<object width="425" height="353"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9LEljS3ib84&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9LEljS3ib84&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="353"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-19777277310284210442007-07-14T20:06:00.001+05:002007-07-14T20:20:07.231+05:00Introspective?<span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Who <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">we</span> are <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">and </span>what we <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">promise.</span> Whether <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">it</span> be <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">to</span> one <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">person</span> or <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">to</span> the <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">masses.</span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Who <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">to</span> trust, <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">what</span> to <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">do.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Does <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">it</span> make <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">a</span> difference <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">now</span> or <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">in</span> the <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">future?</span> How <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">do </span>the <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">masses</span> </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">choice </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">their</span> opium?</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Who <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">will</span> </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">lie </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">responsibly</span>(?) <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">for</span> the <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">swaying</span> of <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">two </span>million<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> votes.</span> Will <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">it</span> be the <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">conceptualiser</span> or <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">will</span> it <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">be</span> the <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">overpowering</span>, historical <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">dedication</span> of <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">the</span> of <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">grass </span>roots?</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">I </span>am <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">Jim</span> Screechy's <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">resolve.</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-67586319292574107902007-07-12T20:00:00.000+05:002007-12-10T04:03:03.839+05:00Leaked Bob Woolmer Jamaican S&M VideoThe powers that be have written off the Bob Woolmer case, stating that he died from natural causes. Horsewash! As promised, I'm providing one of the last trists Bob Woolmer had while in Jamaica before fatally being strangled by a <a href="http://jimscreechy.blogspot.com/2007/03/woolmers-death-caused-by-local-ghetto.html">Latina whore</a> from Platinum.<br /><br />Here we see Bob going at it in real S&M fashion with whips and chains in the background. He even donned a wig for the session and incorporated some of the training techniques of counting, he used with his Pakistan team. Man I tell you, everybody's got deep dark secrets eh?<br /><br />Rest in peace Bob, at least you got to sow your wild oats before kicking the bucket.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-76467141280708420682007-04-19T18:52:00.000+05:002008-11-14T02:12:33.962+05:00Cornwall 'Bigga' Ford In Reverse<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuy0QMwr-TZ1i2t3NVitArqd1E1FTDyL1JC004q5gCKNvRwZJGxmgpylpH_15IDrsFtrI0tl6UOelCU-hM9_7_gSwrbR4hqFLdYizUCwaUGoYTTaM5MpkooANYFf9Zk8YLWv7wUA/s1600-h/Bigga+Ford+walking+backways.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5055137009740960418" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuy0QMwr-TZ1i2t3NVitArqd1E1FTDyL1JC004q5gCKNvRwZJGxmgpylpH_15IDrsFtrI0tl6UOelCU-hM9_7_gSwrbR4hqFLdYizUCwaUGoYTTaM5MpkooANYFf9Zk8YLWv7wUA/s400/Bigga+Ford+walking+backways.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-80445062361583648262007-03-22T20:06:00.000+05:002008-11-14T02:12:34.267+05:00Bob Woolmer's Death Caused By Local Ghetto Slam<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP53bs_yYmn5MJhi5WLsqaNi0ydyRr6xNJlVCzRB9hqBu74fzRfNbcdBtvAjDCd3HgD7o3vtS-OIkf1jnwKs2osyJ2YKu5Zz-hUU3FPk-1i3INNGTHVY328P3pwUXvys2_rwAKKQ/s1600-h/woolmer"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5044913906269313906" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP53bs_yYmn5MJhi5WLsqaNi0ydyRr6xNJlVCzRB9hqBu74fzRfNbcdBtvAjDCd3HgD7o3vtS-OIkf1jnwKs2osyJ2YKu5Zz-hUU3FPk-1i3INNGTHVY328P3pwUXvys2_rwAKKQ/s320/woolmer's+last+struggle.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="TEXT-DECORATION: underline"><br /></span>Amid the skepticism surrounding the death of the Pakistan Coach, there hasn't been much research into the clear and obvious fact ( <em>nevertheless</em> politically incorrect) that Woolmer simply died from his voracity for ethnic flesh.<br /><br />The <em>typical</em> scapegoat of consorting with illegal bets and sport corruption plays no part in his demise. Woolmer suffered from the exact same viral disease that all men (and non gender hand puppets like myself) suffer from-the need to conquer yet another piece of female flesh.<br /><br />The proximity of punnany (not Punjabi) is what led him to choose the Jamaica Pegasus as the choice hotel for the team. New Kingston, is full of agents of flesh, and the Platinum night club was to be his chosen stop. Thoughts of engaging in ethnic delights reached out to his masculine core and tugged him from his hotel room that night. Sources say that Woolmer left Pegasus, was seen at Platinum, and returned to his hotel room with a "young lady in a blood red dress."<br /><br />What many didn't know about Woolmer, is that he liked to engage in a certain sexual fetish known as the "Scissor Hold" and longed to try out a local for his next and fatal interaction as well as getting a local Ghetto Slam to boot. As fate would have it, he took back to the hotel with him, not a local JA girl, but one of the popular Latina's from Platinum. A leaked picture taken in the hotel room shows Woolmer and the prostitute engaging in the sexual act that killed him. Speculation is that the Latina's English was not so good and that Woolmer's pleas or shouting of the safety word, indicating for her to stop, were interpreted by the Latina whore, to squeeze tighter.<br /><br />"How Stella got her groove back" led many black American women, to Jamaican hotels in search of a male from the Food & Beverage or watersports department for a mate. The islands sexually explicit dancing has lured many foreign men to the shores of Jamaica, seeking the famous dancehall Ghetto Slam that's been given worldwide recognition. poor Woolmer was just taking advantage of being in the country at the right time.<br /><br />The Ghetto Slam is a predominantly vigorous and gymnastic styled sex performed by local women and can be learned rather easily by ethnics such as the Latina above. Many foreign men seek such acts to supplement and even in some cases replace the boorish sexual acts performed by their less than desirable wives.<br /><br />Woolmer, being very old wasn't up for the requirements of the Ghetto Slam and his stamina level was depleted to a point where he was unable to prevent the crushing of the bones in his neck, like previous encounters. This slow and cruel crushing caused him to loose control over his bowels, resulting in the excretement found on the floor of the hotel room.<br /><br />It's common that persons from different cultures other than the Caribbean, revolve around a much slower pace of living. This slower pace affects both physical movement, agility (which supports the fact that most Europeans/westerners are Porkers) and ability to be cunning. Citizens of a first world country don't have to conceptualize cunning ways of beating the system and dodging the police. A first/second world country supplies a quantity and level of comforts allowing the citizens to move and live at a slower pace. However it's interesting to note that if we as a third world country are suppose to be more cunning and 'faster' as a result of the system, why do many of our top business leaders remain white? Unfortunately I'll have to touch on that in another post.<br /><br />In short, Woolmer lived up to stereotype of a typical white man, that "Can't handle the wuk"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-66330291939796104622007-02-19T01:54:00.000+05:002007-02-19T02:28:50.168+05:00F$^*) You, Pay Me! (Part 3) Shifta Interview<span style="font-style: italic;">Below is one of the hardest interviews I've ever had to do. Why? The interviewee was constantly stuffing his face, smacking his lips,talking creole and answering his cell phone. </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=29413088">"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Shifta</span>, the girl <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">dem</span> Mr."</a><span style="font-style: italic;"> eh? Doubt it! I think your music leaves much to be desired-honestly the lyrics and production <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">quality</span> is real low. Stick to reaping the benefits of living in Florida and go open a </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.goldenkrustbakery.com/gk.htm">Golden <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Krust</span></a><span style="font-style: italic;"> franchise.<br /><br />NB.- His career must be going south as <a href="http://mackconcepts.com/suspended.page/">his posse's website </a>has been suspended.<br /><br /></span><p align="center"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" ><b><u><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Shifta</span>- “changing gears with the times”</u></b></span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" ><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Shifta</span>, “The girl <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">dem</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Mista</span>”, born and hardened in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Jamrock</span>, exported to U.S.A to reap the benefits of a ’higher’ minimum wage, Uncle Sam’s education, strengthen his D.J craft and to round up better looking groupies on the get go.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Who is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Shifta</span> you ask? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Shifta</span>, a part of the budding group “<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Fras</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Krew</span>” in his own right has come of age and of his own standing. Like most artists who start out in the group crutch, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Shifta</span> was the one who “got out” first and started doing his own thing.</span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Now that he’s gained his own mass following, has his <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Toppa</span> Top Super Producer dad as his <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">backitive</span> and his promotions company doing big things both in Florida and the “876” (Jamaica), <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Shifta</span> has enough clout behind his name to be rejecting big name recording houses like Def Jam and Jay Records, when they approach him with deals.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >He’s had major success and air play time with his singles, “Ganja Shop” and “<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Nuff</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Gyal</span>” which are testosterone packed party melodies, based of what he says are analogies to his life experiences and struggles to his place in stardom.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >After being exported by his parents to MIA in 1993, from the ‘less than fortunate’ upper class area of Jacks Hills, Kingston Jamaica, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Tamrat</span> “<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Shifta</span>” Mason began his journey towards his musical career by joining a DJ squad dubbed as “<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">Wickidness</span> International”, being recruited as a sound selector, carrying sound boxes, doing his rounds for various parties in the surrounding area and fine tuning his craft. The music industry and culture were something he's always been exposed to from his years as a teen; his dad in the early 1990’s was a well known and respected Jamaican producer that made extremely popular hits for the likes of “General Degree”, “Lady Saw” and ”Buccaneer” . </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" ><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Shifta</span>’s style of recording is extremely distinctive-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Dancehall</span> influenced with American Hip Hop terminology slapped in a couple of times on the track to give it that extra raw boundary; on stage performances filled with unrelenting vigor and unique style. The approach to marketing his career and music are the way of the hustling underdog that could: mixed CD’s and straight up <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">Guerrilla</span> marketing; he is determined to make it on his own first before accepting any lucrative deals. </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Being heavily into <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">Reggateon</span> and Reggae music, he’s in the progress of doing collaborations with popular artists like “Pit Bull”, “Rhianna”, “Tami Chin”, “Turbulence” and “<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Gyptian</span>” and has worked with Jamaican producers such as, “Jazzy T”,”DJ Karim”, “<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">Supa</span> Hype”, “Danny Champagne”, and “Stephen <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">McGregor</span>”. </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" ><i>“I recognized that being in the music game, the only way to stay fresh and on the tip of everyone’s tongue is to keep your game tight; always re-inventing yourself, doing new collaborations and maintaining an appealing image to the public.”</i></span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >In working with the modern, popular and damn smart trend of being in the music business, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">Shifta</span> has also taken to the smart move of marketing...everything. Six months ago he started a Record Label and he’s had a lucrative family operated business for the past three years- “Timeless Promotions/Entertainment”, which does a mix of money making ventures including promoting chic all-inclusive parties and the infamous <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">cliched</span> venture – the clothing line. I asked him if he was thinking about doing a deal with Reebok for a infamous rap artist inspired “White on white” sneaker- it’s not something he’s thought about yet, but it’s something he would definitely look into. </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >As always there is the malleable side of all hardcore artists. Money, respect and bitches can only last for so long and get you so much <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">coochie</span>, so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">Shifta</span> has affiliated himself with what I like to refer to as the “The Social Cause”. Acquiring those now popular/annoying/<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">over sized</span> arm rubber bands (made popular by Mr. One Testicle- Lance Armstrong) with their respective causes branded on. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">Shifta</span> and his posse sold a whopping 50,000 pieces and contributed to the proceeds to the A.I.D.S foundation.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >He also ‘donated’ during the period of March-May 2005, five thousand copies of his mixed CD to less fortunate individuals in the New York and Miami area-whether this latter “Social Cause” initiative was another smart <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">guerrilla</span> marketing strategy or a genuine ‘relief’ effort is yet to be determined. However, I'm sure the bums he handed them out to are still figuring out how to rip the plastic of the CD cases.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" ><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">Shifta</span> is determined and relentless; he’s doing big things at such an early age of 22. Look out and recognize the smashing sound of this artist on the airwaves, stages and in some hot groupies CD player, his lyrics and flow will surely captivate and shift you’re your attention towards him.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" ><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">Holla</span>,</span></p> <a href="http://www.jimscreechy.blogspot.com/"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-52149151641568360392007-02-19T01:50:00.000+05:002007-02-19T02:29:49.564+05:00F@^* You, Pay Me! (Part 2) Safia Cooper & Zachary Harding Interview<div style="text-align: center;"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" ><b><u>What makes an Event Brand Manager successful?</u></b></span><br /></div><p><br /><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Being a cynical writer, I choked when the “Boss Lady” hurled this topic at me, but as High Society’s newest ‘Elite Gopher’, proving my abilities are somewhat necessary in order to be a part of this classy entourage. </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Before I get into my contractual obligation of delivering a Politically Correct Article, let me get in my spin first:</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >In a nutshell, Event Brand Management entails conceptualizing, planning, organizing and finally executing an event. Constant creativity, meticulous planning and venue management all come together in keeping the promoter’s names on the lips of the socially elite and masses for the next couple of months. </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Example- “You did hear seh (Insert Popular Promoter Name Here) party did tough?!, Yow star, him tings always vibes!”</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >The social constituent of being a Brand Manager entails a lot of Public Relations, polite banter, and sometimes the proverbial ‘random’ photo opportunity amidst a select few personas- surrounding your self with professionals is a necessary task if you want to be viewed as a serious, business savvy individual.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Let’s get out of my witty banter and hear from some true professionals on the subject matter. First up, Mr. Zachary Harding- Director of Marketing for Wisynco Group, fourteen year veteran in Event Brand Management, a hundred plus events in the wake of his name, and an all around stand up guy. </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Mr. Harding reminisces on one of the most popular events he personally took part in-“Groove In the Hill”, which boasted top international artists such as, “112”, “Sean Paul” and “Mr. Vegas”. Though it was held a good seven years ago, he remembers this event as one of his most enjoyable.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >“I really enjoyed watching the process from its infant-like stages; grow into one of the most successful events that year.”</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Also in that time period, was “Juice”. One of the first all-Inclusive party’s in Jamaica, “Juice” had innovative and methodological ideas such as the “Pay As You Drink” concept which actually refunded patrons $20 for every shot that they took! </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Of course we all remember the infamous Club Liquid, held at both Devon House and Quad- a long running Dynamic Club experience that spanned five years. I personally must say that this was one of my first and better clubbing experiences, based on the quality diversity of music delivered by the D.J’s coupled with the aura of the night.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >The more corporate launches Mr. Harding has been involved with were, the classy Smirnoff Black Ice Launch Series, Smirnoff Experience and Heineken Green Synergy. All of these alcohol beverages have become successful and are leading in the Jamaican market.</span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Mr. Harding stated, “Anyone who is creative, has good organizational skills, enjoys meeting people to form good inter-personal relationships and is willing to work hard to experience the thrill of achievement is rightly suited to enter into this field. This is a profession that demands precision, the challenge of meeting deadlines in a stipulated time and budget and the patience to pay attention to every small detail of things that go into organizing. Re-inventing the wheel constantly is necessary in order to make a good event, never try and do something that has been done before.”</span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Mr. Harding also pointed out that the effort ultimately provides a great deal of satisfaction-having organized a successful show which is appreciated by the audience. Of course, one also needs to be prepared to handle any mishaps that may happen at the last minute despite perfect co-ordination and arrangements.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >I personally have a problem with food not being at most party’s and asked him why is it, that people like me, who are in constant need of ‘carbs’ are almost never catered for. </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >“People like you must eat at their house. The only elements needed for a good party are, a good selection of music, good sounding music, ease of access to drinks and lot’s of women. Even if it’s mostly women at a party, they don’t mind seeing each other”.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >In closing, I had to find out the truth about the recurrent socially elite scenario: Loads of beautiful people in glossy magazines, and if it really was something he saw himself drawn to. Mr. Harding disagreed to the idea of him, ‘flossing’ and photo opportunities as part of business persona. “I’m more concerned with conceptualizing and fine tuning an event, Public Relations is secondary. I find myself constantly criticizing what I could have done different at a party, while all my friends are busy having fun.”</span><br /><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Second up, the lovely Ms. Safia Cooper,</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" > </span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Brand</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > </span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Manager for Smirnoff Ice and Smirnoff Vodka at Red Stripe.</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy: What are your primary duties as a Brand Manager?</span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >“Primarily, my role as a Brand Manager is to develop the long term strategy for the brands that I manage. This includes identifying the consumer issues that the brands face and addressing these issues with relevant activities, which include events, promotions, advertising, etc. On a daily basis I work cross functionally with the different departments within Red Stripe such as Sales, Event Marketing, Production, etc as well as the advertising and executioning agencies and promoters. Smirnoff as a global brand requires that I also interface with the International Smirnoff Brand owners on an ongoing basis.”</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy: What, in your opinion, overall, would make a successful brand manager? </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “Being able to think strategically, being consumer driven, the ability to crack consumer insights, having charisma and being sociable. A successful brand manager has to be able to leverage the aforementioned skills so as to deliver the impact for the brand and the company.”</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: What do you think are the most important factors in making a successful party/event? </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “The experience that patrons have when attending an event is of utmost importance. This experience encompasses all elements of an event. These include:</span></p> <ul><ul type="disc"><li><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >The event must be built upon a unique concept which can engage patrons.</span></li><li><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >The event must be marketed in a fashion that attracts the target audience.</span></li><li><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >The comfort/ease in getting to the actual venue of the event. (where shuttle service is provided)</span></li><li><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >The security service provided. (to encompass the event parking lot to patrons just having a sense of safety at the event)</span></li><li><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >The professionalism of the bar service. (ease of getting drinks at the bar to just common courtesy of the bar staff)</span></li><li><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Great caterers. (where it is an all inclusive event food should not run out and must be prepared properly)</span></li><li><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >The music provided. (there should be less talk and more spinning)</span></li><li><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Getting value for money. (any event offering made to patrons must be delivered upon by the promoter) </span></li></ul></ul><br /><p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: As a brand manager do you do a lot of PR?</span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “PR opportunities do come about especially around brand activities, and it’s not only about 'taking pictures with random people in glossy magazines'. These PR opportunities are strategically driven, so as to ensure that brand exposure is achieved.”</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: Do you like the whole PR side of the job?</span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “Yes. The PR portion of this job does have its perks!”</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: Would you help promote anything you didn’t believe in? </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “No. Particularly if I believe that it’s something that is immoral, essentially it goes against my principles and values. “</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: Have you ever promoted anything you didn’t believe in?</span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “No.”</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: How long have you been in the position that you're currently in? </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “I’ve been with Red Stripe for four years, and I started working on these brands two years ago.”</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: Do you think in order to be a good brand manager, having a popular last name helps, or a parent? </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “No, in fact there are many persons at Red Stripe and the wider industry who do not know who my father is!”</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: Did the last name help though? </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “No, because within Diageo (multinational parent company for Red Stripe) leadership and functional (marketing) capabilities determines your success within the company. “</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: Really now? Be honest. </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “I am being honest!</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: What are some of the events/parties that you’ve worked on? </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “Smirnoff Experience, Special Delivery, Smirnoff Xclusive, Blink, Osmosis, Smirnoff Ice Univercity Tour, etc. “</span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: Do you think being a female Brand Manager has an advantage over a male Brand Manager? Is there a difference anyway whatsoever?</span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “No, however I do look better in pictures!!” </span><br /></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Jim Screechy</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >: Do you honestly think that there is a point, other than different viewpoints, why my editor would want me to interview both a male and female Brand Manager? Is the sex much of an issue in Brand Management? </span></p> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Safia: </span></p> <span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > “No, capability is more critical to the role. However having personality is also a plus!” </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-27854648120847951132007-02-19T01:00:00.000+05:002007-04-24T01:30:32.008+05:00F@^* You, Pay Me! (Part 1) -Jim Screechy's US$500 Winning Rebuttal<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family:Arial;">Below, a lil foreign cutie tried to test me in a "He said, She said" article for an overseas entertainment magazine- she was smashed instantly upon my rebuttal and withered away into obscurity, whilst, yours truly was victorious and won the US$500.00 prize. I hear she now lives in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 /><st1:state st="on"><st1:place st="on">Alaska</st1:place></st1:state> searching for the meaning of life. Better luck next time wench!<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><br /><br />For Richer or Poorer, in Cleanliness and Hunger<br />by: Dana Schwarborough<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><br />“…She cook mi food and keep me place clean, she press mi shirt and fix me pants seam, she’s the girl of my dreams…”<br />“Love All Girls” (Ching Chong Medley), Beenie Man<br /><br />Do you, Lisa, take thee, Nicholas, to be your lawful wedded husband-for better or worse, for richer or poorer, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish; to honor and to respect in sickness and in health till death do you part?<br />These familiar words grace many-an-ear on that magical day women of every age, race, or social standing dream of. Now read it again. Take a long and hard look at this declaration that makes up conventional wedding vows. Nowhere among these words does it dictate specific roles that women should play within the sanctity of which they are about to enter. What if traditional wedding vows (for those individuals who pass on writing their own) read as such: Do you, Lisa, take thee, Nicholas, to be your lawful wedded husband-for better or worse, for richer or poorer, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, to cook and clean for, to submit to his every request, to honor and to respect in sickness and in health till death do you part? Kind of changes the perspective a bit, doesn’t it?<br />Island women generally live by society’s standards: we man the home, tend to the children, and typically love, honor, and obey our husbands (as traditional wedding vows would mandate). Not only do <st1:place st="on">Caribbean</st1:place> women abide by society’s standards, we go above and beyond the norm to perform other outrageous tasks that these men ask of us. You would think that that would be enough, right? Wrong! Some men often make these tasks a requirement, a basis on which they make their decision of whether or not a woman qualifies as “wifey” material. In fact, Dancehall artist Beenie Man goes so far as to call this type of woman “the girl of his dreams.” Ok…so in a nutshell, the way to hook a <st1:place st="on">Caribbean</st1:place> man is to be his domestic princess? If a woman is no Sous Chef or is domestically challenged, she isn’t suitable enough to be an island man’s fantasy? Well alert the masses and raise the red flag because for some, this just may pose a problem.<br />There is a colossal <st1:place st="on">Caribbean</st1:place> presence here in the States, and with the migration, culture inevitably follows. If there is one thing that people from the islands in the <st1:place st="on">West Indies</st1:place> have in common, it is the domestic character that women are expected to play.<br />Let’s take a deeper look. Island men can be portrayed using two extremes: there is the easygoing man who appreciates the clothes-washing, the cleaning, and the daily homemade meals (these men do not enjoy fast food!) but more often than not, lends a helpful hand without being asked; or there is the backyard man who goes strictly by the book. Women are expected to perform certain tasks and this is the man who wants those things done, end of discussion. We usually end up with the latter, don’t we?<br />When I see how my friends behave in their relationships and what their boyfriends/husbands “require” of them, I shake my head in shame because I cannot see myself doing half the things that these women do. In fact, I often find myself telling my friends to go against what these men see as normal, everyday routine because I believe in 50/50 and in give-and-take. Examine this example: A girlfriend of mine came home extremely tired from a full day of work and could not get to the cooking that evening (although she cooks everyday) because she chose to rest her body instead. Her boyfriend (Guyanese), who mind you, was off from work and at home all day, gave her an attitude when he saw her lying in bed. When she asked him what the problem was, he replied, “What the hell do you expect me to eat tonight?” What does she expect you to…? (Sigh) breathe…inhale…exhale…lower the blood pressure…Here’s a thought: it may not have dawned on you amidst the hunger pains, but how about getting off your lazy behind and cooking something yourself? You would rather starve than to prepare something to eat? Ever heard of a refrigerator? Don’t you know what a pot looks like? Has the light bulb in your head turned on yet? Why don’t you cook the meal and while you are at it, serve her tonight because she is exhausted. Give the girl a break!<br />Guys, it is one thing to make a point about a household situation; it is another thing to be belligerent about the whole thing. Have some compassion. Have some understanding. You claim to be men, act like it! Is it unmanly to wash the clothes that you stink up and dirty? Are you not being a man if you clear the table after dinner? To many women, you are being more than a man and that is what we love.<br />With the changing times, the ridiculous things that some Caribbean men expect purely should not be expected. Women are making moves. We are advancing. We are more independent, we are landing corporate positions, challenging the world and most importantly, ourselves. Society in general has shifted tremendously from when our parents were growing up. Households are morphing from men being the breadwinners to both marital entities possessing careers. As such, we have some serious catching up to do.<br />Marital expectations are in place because of upbringing; the way that-as a child growing up-some watched their parents act towards one another. Simply put, as maturing adults, men can only anticipate their wives providing as their mothers did for their fathers; and in some instances, this behavior is all that some island women know. Let it be known, the men have been spoiled for way too long!<br />Picture it, ladies: waking up in the early morning to have breakfast already prepared, coming from work to find the house tidy, dinner on the table, clean clothes put away neatly in the drawers, and our feet in the hands of our Caribbean kings, receiving a much-needed foot massage. Wouldn’t it be nice?<br />Yes, culture is vital. Where we come from will always play a role in the person we are to become and what we would expect of others. However, relationships should always be about conciliation. A man or husband is not a being who trots off to work in the morning, comes home to sit at the table and eats du riz cole avec pois and banane peze or the roti and curry chicken that his wife prepared for him. He doesn’t solely supply the finances from his career to pay the usual bills or please his woman by taking her on a sexual vacation in order to give her a break from her day-to-day routine of getting the kids off to school, cooking dinner, and tidying up the house. On the contrary, he is a being who is in touch with his masculinity, so much so that he can wake up and get the kids ready for school, make the bed, or wash the dishes in order to give his wife a break because she had a long and tiresome day making a phenomenal presentation to important clients at her place of business.<br />The Caribbean is home to us, regardless of whether or not we live in the States. Customs will undeniably shadow every individual with the intention of preserving identities. In the midst of it all, life is about progression. Married life is about sacrifice and compromise. Responsibilities, especially household ones, should not lie in the lap of the woman. Marriage is a partnership. Domestic values should exist so that both marital parties are involved. It relieves a lot of tension and stress, which in turn saves both husband and wife a lot of time...time that can be devoted to those much needed sexual vacations.<br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="TEXT-ALIGN: center;font-family:arial;" align="center" ><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="TEXT-ALIGN: center;font-family:arial;" align="center" ><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">Jim Screechy's Rebuttal</span></b><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">(Tag!)-It seems to be my turn, now for my rebuttal to that washy eulogy you just read:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><i><span style="font-family:Arial;">“Pimping isn’t easy, but somebody’s got to do it.”- Jim Screechy</span></i><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><i><span style="font-family:Arial;">Prelude:</span></i><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">(Obviously fat chick/ girlfriend/wife enters room and asks boyfriend/husband: <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">“Honey, do you think I’m fat?”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Men, do you want THESE familiar, recurring words, stinging at you ears for the rest of your life? Well whether you like it or not, it’s going to happen, especially if you’re the family type guy who wants picket fences, kids and a... (cough, cough)...wife.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Ok, I’m all for a happy some-timish monogamous relationship like most dudes, but let’s get one thing straight….let’s keep it REAL! Caribbean women, though the most beautiful variety of women on earth, come with flaws that are unique to this region.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Let’s get one thing straight from the start- chicks cook, full stop. It’ somewhere embedded in your DNA structure to do so. It’s undeniable. Check your old CXC Integrated Science textbook if you’ve forgotten, it’s in there somewhere..I think. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Too much superfluous babble has been spent over the years yapping about guys who don’t go in the kitchen to cook. Why don’t we? First of all, we don’t have the patience, finesse, pickiness or stringent personality needed to measure minute ingredients, adjust correct temperatures and trying to figure out if there’s a real freaking difference between “mixing” batter when you should actually be “folding”. If you really look at it, such intricate details are better left for the sex used to such anal behavior on a day to day basis-the female. Females after all do have a lot of daily practice in the areas of intricate details, in the guise of “yapping”, “badgering” or even “mental bludgeoning” of the male species. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">While I’m in the kitchen, let me get rid of this lazy stigma that has shrouded us Caribbean males. Why do we prefer it when our Caribbean women cook? Why is it that after your long day of work, we come home and bitch about food not being hot and ready? Caribbean women are the best cooks in the world and we hate a day to go by without your lovely cooking, it’s like our daily bread, full stop. There’s no great mystery. So if you see us bitching and complaining; it’s actually our deep love and craving for your cooking, manifesting itself in anger (and even a bitch slap here or there) Don’t over analyze what I just said, just believe it. Another point, is that we love the build up to that good meal you prepare; the actual preparation-the sight of your full round Caribbean rear ends jiggling as you stir that pot-round and round and round and round…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 12pt;font-family:arial;" ><span style="font-family:Arial;">Relationships are all about giving and taking and both parties’ bring something to the table to unite one wholesome and fruitful union. If you really think about it, it’s not that <st1:place st="on">Caribbean</st1:place> men never contribute to household tasks, its not that we’re lazy; it’s just that we play more of a supporting role. Without us, the ladies wouldn’t even be able to do those lovely tasks around the house. We don’t ever do anything constructive in the kitchen? Who installed that overpriced, purely superficial faucet that you hoaxed us into getting? Who drains the sink when it’s clogged with the gunk you created during one of your famous weekend culinary experiments? Who spent two hours, on their back, amidst rusty pipes and dirty water, installing that (also) overpriced <a href="http://www2.dupont.com/Surfaces/en_US/">Corian</a> kitchen sink you wanted? If you calculated the sum of all the installations we men did ourselves, you’d realized that we saved our ‘Union’ a lot of money, versus getting a so called ‘professional’ to do it. Look on it this way, for all that money we saved; the least you could do to pay us back is make a couple meals a day and throw in a random BJ here and there. Deal?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">In closing, I must say that it’s looking rather sticky for <st1:place st="on">Caribbean</st1:place> women out there. I love you, but your time looks like it’s possibly coming to an end, so please step your game up. If we give you an opportunity, please show your first-rate colours-it’s the least you can do for all those times of dragging us through emotional hell, when you had all those other guys running down your heels and us standing on the side like some first rate “watch di pooms”. We Caribbean men are looking for independent women who can go through the ups and downs of a relationship, someone who will still stick around and encourage us if we loose our job or if we’re under stress; someone whose body ‘snaps back’, as if nothing happened after having a couple of kids; someone who doesn’t bitch, moan and nag; someone spontaneous, swallows and is beautiful- a white tourist woman.</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-49660397942751395622007-01-19T21:22:00.000+05:002007-01-20T03:40:58.258+05:00"Ahhh...so can we make buggery legal now?"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k54/jimscreechy/Layout1_1_PZQDRAJNicholAM.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 243px; height: 266px;" src="http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k54/jimscreechy/Layout1_1_PZQDRAJNicholAM.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Attorney -General A.J Nicholson is foaming at the mouth and perhaps other orifices over Governments hesitancy to decriminalize buggery. During parliamentary deliberations Senator spewed forth statements depicting his burning passion to no longer live in fear of being prosecuted for a life, some say is secret. "There is no intention, whatever, that any section or provision of the Buggery Act is to be amended. Period! " based on reports within the parliament many were shocked with such a statement. Nicholson was said to be near the point of tears as he passionately argued his views on why the act should be seen as an alternative to females.<br /><br />"The days of Sodom and Gomorrah are long gone, but many nowadays still have these and only these urges as the only way to copulate! And whilst we're on the subject of decriminalizing buggery, we should make same sex marriages legal to! Let a man and my man...I mean another man be together if they want...or a woman and a woman, whatever the case may be!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-82381874372819017262007-01-19T19:14:00.000+05:002007-01-19T19:48:10.432+05:00Live Chickens Fly, But Dead Chickens Will Fly Higher!Jamaica's largest producer of poultry has clucked that chicken prices will fly high over the next week or so.<br /><br />Christopher Levy, rich snob of poultry operations of Jamaica Broilers Group, clucked that prices and chickens will fly sky high to increase to as much as 5% in two weeks mash.<br /><br />The increasing price of corn is stated to be the cause of the oncoming price hike, but specialists in the industry have devised a plan to solve the problem. <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Shytie</span> Undies, head of operations on the company's production pen, and hopeful individual for the president post, has initiated a revolutionary experiment to recycle corn. "Anyone human who has ever ate corn knows that at least 25% of that said corn consumed comes back out undigested in poop. Consumers shouldn't have to pay more for good quality chicken just because the price of corn has gone up. Chicken meat is the most popular protein source for Jamaicans, so let's recycle the pooped corn and kick back that savings onto the consumers!"<br /><br />There has been speculation about these methods of feeding undigested corn to chickens, but <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Shytie</span> Undies claims that anyone who has ever been to a mass production pen for chickens should note that the ground is littered in feces anyway. " If you really look good, 75% of the ground full of chicken shit, and when time the chickens get fed, sometimes the <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">feedin</span>' drop on the ground. You think the chickens are smart enough to wait and pick carefully at what's on the ground when them trying to eat? "<br /><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:85%;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-92156757776412492042007-01-15T23:55:00.000+05:002007-01-16T02:37:21.450+05:00"No More Rum Bars for Police!" says Portia<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://infomotions.com/gallery/jamaica/Images/DSCN0930_1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://infomotions.com/gallery/jamaica/Images/DSCN0930_1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Sista</span> P has warned the police to immediately cease and desist the daily stops at the local rum bar. The afternoon stops, a staple for many young, wayward and inept policemen, facilitate the leaking of <span style="font-style: italic;">secret</span> operational plans that are to take place in the future.<br /><br />"It's because of these ungodly acts of alcohol consumption on the job why there is so much crime in the western end of the island! The police are blabbing secrets to their rum buddy's or to ease droppers set up by the criminal ring to listen out for tips in rum bars, knowing full well that one or two squaddies will pass through and have a drink!"<br /><br />Highlighting the recent investigation into corrupt cops, it's been duly noted that corruption or thoughts thereof first start at the local rum bar where rookie cops, stopping for refreshment, get lured into the underworld of crime and money. Rum Bars are where most drug lords or 'top <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">shottaz</span>' stop to show off their money and <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">bling</span> to the local bar rats/<span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">hoochies</span>.<br /><br />Reports show that whilst in the bar, police of different moral caliber are often put to shame and jeered as they're only capable of affording a soda or sky juice to quench their thirst while those above the law, who don't do half of the social work they do or receive the daily sun pelting and bus fumes, are able to afford say a ice cold Tropical Rhythms or fancy Northern American refreshment.<br /><br />Rum Bars as <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Sista</span> P states are a, "...Pot of Evil. Facilitating corruption of our policemen who are more than satisfied with their paltry <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">government</span> wages and facilities."<br /> <p><span style=";font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:85%;" > </span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-3358119411208301762006-12-26T04:33:00.000+05:002008-11-14T02:12:34.996+05:00Corporate Debauchery- escaping the monotony of your 9-5 job<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMXKmwG5W_dLZgFJVjMXvEMxdCd19pRLC4GtzQROy71YvpzDR5NcMWg6Usd1SrqdDLgUCds2mFG2ZRaVPI0DH5KjDAYVqYH38SG9O6oijAv3WS10lzE2M6eNNYU30voDczuRUoCw/s1600-h/200378093-001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMXKmwG5W_dLZgFJVjMXvEMxdCd19pRLC4GtzQROy71YvpzDR5NcMWg6Usd1SrqdDLgUCds2mFG2ZRaVPI0DH5KjDAYVqYH38SG9O6oijAv3WS10lzE2M6eNNYU30voDczuRUoCw/s320/200378093-001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5012616491950988338" border="0" /></a> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">For those unfortunate to be in a job you don’t like, here are a couple of interesting exercises to relieve the repetitiveness of your daily grind. It should be noted, that assessing the ineptness of your immediate supervisor or HR manager before carrying out such activities is very important.</span></p> <div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><u><o:p></o:p></u><u>Maximizing your lunch time<o:p></o:p></u></span></div> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">A much often overlooked and under assessed loophole in corporate <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">Jamaica</st1:country-region></st1:place>. Take your packed lunch to work and under the pretense of going to the bathroom; chow down on your food. The result will remove your hunger AND still allows you a one hour break to either visit your significant other for a quick shag or get interviewed for that job opening without letting your boss know your business.</span></p> <p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p> </o:p><u>Office Olympics<o:p></o:p></u></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Leaving an active lifestyle at college or high school to enter the mundane tasks of a job can have disastrous effects on an individual’s mental health. For those who are used to having an active lifestyle, engaging in some blood pumping Office Olympics is the right way to regain that lost adrenaline rush. There are a number of things you can do, but this activity requires some amount of space so choose wisely. It’s always suggested that the activities have a reward, such as the victor buys lunch, etc. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p> </o:p><br />Office Hurdles</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Place about three to five desks in front of each other and see who can jump over each faster. This is a true test of endurance and will get your blood pumping and even make you sweat, so reserve this one for when your boss is guaranteed not to be back for an hour at least.</span></p> <span style="font-size:100%;"><br />Office Equipment Hammer</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Sick of that old wired mouse or keyboard on your desk? Too embarrassed to carry your significant other in your office, fearing ridicule. Stationary Hammer get’s rid of any prehistoric equipment and forces your boss to get <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">on board</span> with wireless technology. Stationary Hammer works with immediate effect, is gratifying and requires the least exertion of energy for entertainment. Whether it be stationary, or electronics, simply grab any tethered piece of office equipment, whirl it around your head and aim for the coffee mug by the annual report. Your boss will realize the disastrous effects wired technology poses to the continuance and timeliness of the organization and upgrade to wireless technology. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p></o:p>Partition Pole-vaulting<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">A must have for this exercise is a mop from the janitor’s closet and …well a partition. I recommend that you not use partitions higher than 5ft for obvious reasons. Simply get ready your mop, make sure that partition <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">isn</span>’t wobbly, that there’s a decent landing space behind it (void of thumbtacks) and hurl yourself over it!</span></p> <p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p> </o:p><u><br />Politically Correct Sexual Harassment<o:p></o:p></u></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Unfortunately in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Jamaica</st1:place></st1:country-region>, we’re a nation believing in cheap labor, so most females at an office <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">aren</span>’t rather appealing to the eye. For obvious reasons, this <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">doesn</span>’t seem to apply to females working at Air <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Jamaica</st1:place></st1:country-region> or <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Scotia</span> Bank though.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p> </o:p>For those in drab 9-5 paper shuffling jobs, you have to resort to females that unfortunately smell like Brut aerosol, constantly scratch their heads to alleviate the symptoms of wearing cheap horse hair (weaves) and leak folds of skin from the openings of their uniforms.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p> </o:p>Use this approach if you so happen to be blessed with a <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">lil</span> browning at the office:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p></o:p>For the first few days, give her a head nod in the morning followed by a quick, “What’s’ up?” </span><span style="font-size:100%;">After that’s been done, ask her for her <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">MSN</span> name and start including her in the forwarding of nasty emails you ever received, but be sure that you also email <b style="">everyone</b> in your list. Depending on her response, you can then assume she’s a prude or she can be hit be hit on. Either way you’re technically not in trouble and you have actually found out if she’s a freak or not without having a five minute corridor meeting about her exes.</span></p> <p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p></o:p><u>God’s gift to employees- <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">MSN</span> Messenger<o:p></o:p></u></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">And on the third day, god created the horse, which through the centuries, evolved into use as a beast of burden- carting mail in the 17<sup><span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">th</span></sup> century and then was taken over by the <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">internet</span>. If there was anything more necessary to getting through a paper shuffling day, it would be this program. Be careful though, the more boring your job is the more likely you’ll get caught using it.</span> </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-80519535457797666012006-12-26T01:24:00.000+05:002007-03-01T20:26:27.892+05:00My Seed Is My Own!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www2.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" com="" target="_blank"><img src="http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k54/jimscreechy/superiorsperm.gif" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" border="0" /></a>"<br /><br /><p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">You know you're getting old when a bunch of college friends are falling into the social trap of marriage or producing babies.<br /><br />Not that I haven't been propositioned a few times for the ‘bliss’ of the old ball and chain routine, but the circumstances were all a bit peculiar. The females were more interested in commissioning me for my essence in order to produce the perfect offspring. In their eyes, it seems, my mojo, but the lack of my actual person, would contribute to producing the perfect child, as I am of good build, lacking in excess fat, smart, amusing, and I have “nice eyes”. There was one particular female, who a bit on the plump side, raved constantly about not wanting a fat baby- that being the main reason my seed was in high demand.<br /><br />As females get older, it’s quite obvious that they have a yearning to get knocked up. Unfortunately for them there is not enough males in their age group that are willing to facilitate such actions, as for men, the older they get the less likely they want to knock a female up. As each year passes and another conquering notch is added to a man’s belt, he realizes that this mating routine can be followed for the rest of his days. Why limit yourself to a measly vagin-a-day, when there is a fruitful abundance of naïve, impressionable young lasses, fresh into University that need some father like guidance in the areas of love. If all middle aged men were to be wed at 30-35, who would be there to guide the 19 year old females in the becoming of age positioning orders of, “ No honey, turn around...that’s right, arch your back and raise it up for daddy now...” ?</span> </p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p></o:p>For some reason the media normally portrays males commissioned just for their sperm, as packers of fudge (fudge-packers). I’ve never had the slightest inclination to take part in such activities. It’s probably a period of dementia that’s experienced by females as the biological clock ticks. Sperm hungry, and wanting to nurture they're out and about sizing up any male they're close to for a ‘smalls’. This eagerness to ‘spit one out’ probably can be linked to all the cases of teacher on student sex that’s been taking place. Unfortunately I never got to experience that....bleh!<br /></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-46682235167836277192006-12-19T02:12:00.000+05:002008-11-14T02:12:35.206+05:00Dear Portia, Jesus himself isn't capable of turning your frog into a prince.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYI0q0y04itV-Of5B8z_O0h-DsNw_CfpJzlAFG8uQwROBYG8TL0ENYSdGHiHgT4J_DCtZ2RiI5eAuGDVfcMVwpJFHj30q4kdLs572TjJalOAsIFhuuNOhzBwc0anc_hfeA7BqmDQ/s1600-h/FLleft_1_PJ566nationf20AM.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYI0q0y04itV-Of5B8z_O0h-DsNw_CfpJzlAFG8uQwROBYG8TL0ENYSdGHiHgT4J_DCtZ2RiI5eAuGDVfcMVwpJFHj30q4kdLs572TjJalOAsIFhuuNOhzBwc0anc_hfeA7BqmDQ/s320/FLleft_1_PJ566nationf20AM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5009978016231644194" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Dear Portia,</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> We've all been victims of the mindset caused by fairytale books during childhood. We should probably believe that because of your rough upbringing and lack of 'the finer things in life' due to your childhood poverty, that you would have been void of such a </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">mindset</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">- but </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">obviously</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> not.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Errald</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> Miller, your husband, sadly, is ugly. There's no kiss in the world even from the lips of one who does the bidding of God, that shall change him from a purple, spotted, </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">CWJ</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> employee, to a handsome and slender prince. He's always been ugly and will continue to be so until he has been seen the bottom of a vehicles tire, trying to cross the road, after hopping out of a </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">nearby water</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> source.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> Toad-like resemblances and having a boatload of money doesn't </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">necessarily</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> mean that a man is attractive. Then again, when you think about it, if both individuals in a relationship have similar disguised aesthetic 'qualities'- you and your infamous wig and </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Errald</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> and his </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">unassuming</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> face of success, then maybe, just maybe you where both made for each other...</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1161284002586603852006-10-19T23:18:00.000+05:002008-11-14T02:12:35.300+05:00Portia Sends Subliminal Message to The Country<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0c64m-lF-kWSdGcGzS8uN0yHWxFFWR1yzr0YFVlSXZat1xu8UGhZaToWGWNGw9WpHsH6uXhdg0prUXDsXls1-XAQquj-W4kyweVqeG_jvUX1Zqy7WAfnX_2Gq09XgiI3O8wZUog/s1600-h/portias+subliminal+message+to+the+nation.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0c64m-lF-kWSdGcGzS8uN0yHWxFFWR1yzr0YFVlSXZat1xu8UGhZaToWGWNGw9WpHsH6uXhdg0prUXDsXls1-XAQquj-W4kyweVqeG_jvUX1Zqy7WAfnX_2Gq09XgiI3O8wZUog/s320/portias+subliminal+message+to+the+nation.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5008835345840412786" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Thanks to one of my minions for making me aware of this picture in the Observer.</span><o:p></o:p></span> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>During some debate the other day Sista P was photographed doodling on a piece of paper. What many aren't aware of is that this was an actual planned subliminal message leaked to the public about her true feelings on the Trafigura incident. As the leader of any country, it's recommended, as well as being standard procedure, to back and defend members of your team that have dealt in shady or immoral negotiations. To do otherwise would mean to cause ill-will to your party and not have ‘backatives’ when you ass is also on the line and being speculated as to why you have to keep purchasing a </span><span style="font-family:Arial;">spanking </span><span style="font-family:Arial;"> brand new Mitsubishi Pajero, each year, when you really don't need one.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>The doodles are easily deciphered by persons keen on subliminal messages. Since I've had the pleasure of seeing many of my male friends get subliminal messages given to them by females totally un-interested in their advances, watched all the “Indiana Jones” movies and predicted my grade 6 teachers demise after using a Ouija board, I think it makes me a master in decoding anything. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>The man drawn is clearly Colin Campbell, based on the "V" shaped receding hairline. Who else would she be drawing? There isn’t a bigger upset going on in her life- other than her husband’s capabilities in the bedroom- and the picture is obviously not representative of him. For this to be Errald Miller the doodle would need vast amounts of body fat located in the mid section and a frog like appearance with supporting pizza face.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>The two cups/ mugs/ glasses/ represent the solidification of a deal. When persons/organisations made less than desirable deals in the 17th century, a deal was bonded by the drinking of an alcoholic beverage. Nowadays with the introduction of paperwork and the paper trails they leave, this tradition is more relevant and necessary.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>The triangle makes reference to a standard black-magic symbol called the "Uthurak". The symbol is used in black- magic as a placeholder for the infamous "666" symbol. Each corner represents three countries, each with 6 members dedicated to doing the bidding of the dark lord, Mufasatinoram. Based on the local political atmospher, we all know that <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Jamaica</st1:place></st1:country-region> is one of these countries and one of the members in the league is undoubtedly Omar Davies. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Portia has made it common knowledge that she has rooted herself as a vessel of the almighty lord. She does ‘HIS’ <span style=""> </span>bidding and is incapable of backing any unchristian like conduct 100%- hence her 'leaked' picture to the public- it is the result of the clash betwee her consciousness bothering her and her role as a political leader. Unfortunately she has made it her mission to merge church and state-a bold move, but any one knowing of history past surely knows of all the circumstances and moments that such a move has sunken nations into oblivion.<br /></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">More Sista P updates coming soon...<br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1150151815751366212006-06-13T03:08:00.000+05:002006-12-16T00:32:10.644+05:00J. Sheezy goes corporate...bitches!<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/1600/jsheezybussbitches.0.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/400/jsheezybussbitches.0.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/1600/jsheezybussbitches.jpg"></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Ya that's right, your boy J. Sheez got published..twice!<br /><br />Look in stores for the latest publication of High Society's Entertainment Magazine to see my reviews on Busy Signal and you guessed it...relationships, entitled," There is no Ms. Right", with 'stunning' life-like graphical representations of the hooches mentioned within.<br /><br />Unfortunately the latter article has been wishy washed down a lil bit on the creative side, so if you want to see the <a style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);" href="http://jimscreechy.blogspot.com/2005/10/who-hell-is-ms-right-im-looking-for-ms.html">uncensored version</a> check out the link on ma blog page!<br /><br />Holla!<br />J. Sheezy<br /><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1147987067755906702006-05-19T02:08:00.000+05:002006-12-19T02:01:50.219+05:00What you SHOULD HAVE given your mom for Mothers Day<span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">This mothers day, try and take the Jim Screechy approach: against social norms. Try something unconventional and witty.<br /><br />This mothers day I'm giving my mother the ultimate gift, the gift that keeps giving and also affords me the oppurtunity to NEVER have to buy her another gift for the rest of my life!<br /><br />I say try it. What's this gift? It's called "Continued Independence from your parents"- I won't ask you for anything, you dont ask me for shite for another couple of years mom. Holla!<br /><br />J. Sheezy </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1147463264603515552006-05-13T00:37:00.000+05:002006-12-16T00:57:34.442+05:00Portia 'Sista P' Simpson spawns a plague of uppity females in Jamaica<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/1600/collage1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/320/collage1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Uppity Yardy Female</span>: any female, post- Portia winning the election, that has a revamped sense of 'feminine pride' generated by the actuality that a lady originating from the working class of Jamaican society has elevated herself to the elite heights of a Country's Government.</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Ok so Portia won. The mystique has caused somewhat of a feminine uprising Yardy style. There seems to have been the start of something called “The Sista P Woman’s Nationalist Front”- No pun intended. Her victory has done more than just make history as <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Jamaica</st1:place></st1:country-region></st1:place></st1:country-region>’s first female Prime Minister; it has inspired and created a horde of females riding the band wagon of her fame and success. Females that haven’t achieved a tenth of her accomplishments, but now have her attitude, or the attitude of a bitch (for lack of a better word) and are popping up islandwide, justified by mere association of being a female. <u2:p></u2:p></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">During my daily routine tasks of being “just some dude”, unfortunately I have come across the unsolicited wrath of such females. They range from scabby security guard to corporate elites. One thing for sure is that despite their occupation, their self esteem and confidence have reached bloodthirsty, castrating- feminist proportions- which poses a near physical, emptional and verbal threat to Jamaican males.<u2:p></u2:p></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 39pt; color: rgb(0, 153, 0); text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size:0;">1.</span></b><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">Male/Female/ She-He @ Burger King, <st1:street style="font-weight: bold;" st="on"><st1:address st="on"></st1:address></st1:street></span></b><st1:street st="on"><st1:address st="on"><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">Barbican Road</span></b></st1:address></st1:street><u2:p></u2:p><b><o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Unfortunately, for the sake of my mental health, I came across this human deviation while getting food. This attendant, while taking my order seemed to be going through a personal dilemma in his/her life, but seemed to draw strength from Sista P’s success. He/She while taking my order gave me an attitude while I merely fumbled around in my wallet trying to find my debit card. For some reason unknown to me, I guess he/ she thought I wasn’t important enough to be waited on, and started looking from side to side in disbelief and disgust as I was baffled as what to choose on the menu.</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Sorry Mr. /Ms. Important Burger King cashier for taking time out of your highly stressful job of pressing buttons on a keypad, and salting the fries, to attend to me, the dude that helped pay for those ghastly floral shirt you and your cronies wear.</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 39pt; color: rgb(0, 153, 0); text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size:0;">2.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">The absent female employees of <st1:place style="font-weight: bold;" st="on"><st1:placename st="on"></st1:placename></st1:place></span></b><st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on"><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">Michaels</span></b></st1:placename></st1:place><b><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <st1:placename st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Restaurant</st1:placename></st1:placename></span></b><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">, <st1:street style="font-weight: bold;" st="on"><st1:address st="on"></st1:address></st1:street></span></b><st1:street st="on"><st1:address st="on"><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">141 B Constant Spring Road</span></b></st1:address></st1:street><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">.<u2:p></u2:p></span></b><b><o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">I live in the <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Kingston</st1:city></st1:place></st1:city></st1:place> 8 area and being a bachelor I need my cooked food when necessary. The females at Michaels Restaurant sure do cook a good BBQ meal and prior to the elections have been very accommodating to my whining and haste at the counter as I grovel at the smell in the restaurant.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Post elections, upon entering the premises, I have almost always come across this image. Not one subservient female in sight as I walked through the front doors of the restaurant.Even after the door squeaks open, they still wait for you to bang on the rusty bell, placed on the counter before they come out to take your order.</span><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 39pt; color: rgb(0, 153, 0); text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size:0;">3.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">Feisty Cashier at office compound tells me I can't bore in the line, even if I pre-ordered my food.</span></b><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <u2:p></u2:p></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Where I order my lunch, there are one bag of grease-laden, smelly college students, and I sure as hell am not fighting through a lunch line, like the days of high school , only to get my fancy office attire all messed up. To prevent this I make sure to call the cashier and give her my order.<u2:p></u2:p></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">All of a sudden after Portia winning, I man have to stand up in line JUST to pick up my order. What a brute! I also have to find exact change quick, quick so as not to hold up the line! :S</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 39pt; color: rgb(0, 153, 0); text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="font-size:0;">4.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family:Arial;">Miscellaneous walk foot Gas Station Attendant @ Texaco in Barbican (foot of Jack’s Hill)</span></b><span style="font-family:Arial;"><br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">This uppity bitch had the nerve to ask me if <b><u>MY</u></b> 1993 Toyota REALLY used 90 Octane?? What the hell is she trying to say- that my car is old and only look like it can use 87 octane?? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;">After I put her in her place she ALSO has the nerve to walk of and say to her grease laden colleagues how,”Everytime da bwoy come here, is pure $100 gas him a buy!” Not only do I <b><u>NOT</u></b> see this woman driving to work in her OWN car, she has the nerve to talk down to me because a nigga is on a budget? Who does she think she is?? I hope there's a gas leak at that station and she bites the dust like Joan of Arc did- on Fire!<u2:p></u2:p></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><u2:p></u2:p></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><u2:p></u2:p></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></p><u2:p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"></u2:p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><u2:p></u2:p></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1140207521816636182006-02-18T00:58:00.000+05:002006-06-21T00:15:20.176+05:00Fassy of the Year<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://anxism.blogspot.com"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/320/cartmans.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255); font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://anxism.blogspot.com">Fassy or Fossy (fossy <em>’ē), n. pl.-ies</em><em>.</em> - individual deemed to be unsupportive, pessimistic of methods and logistics of another person . “Bad minded” personality and criminal intent can be also factors of subject. Also, just being a plain out meanie and grump! <span style="font-family:Wingdings;"><span style="">:-(</span></span></a></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">Hello minions, there is someone fighting out the struggle for free speech, opinion, and rhetoric!</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">If you see this vagrant please wipe his window at a stop light, beg him for money or slash his “Right down to the wire” tires. (No I’m not talking about the hit Kanye West song)</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Subject can be seen frequenting the area of <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Kingston</st1:city></st1:place> 5 as well as that there swampy part of Portmore via the causeway bridge. He is sometimes hidden under the inexpensive disguise of a raggedy, sun burned, blue <st1:state st="on"><st1:place st="on">New York</st1:place></st1:state> Yankees baseball cap that has seen better years…about say seven years ago! If that disguise evades your person, you can unquestionably identify him driving on the road. Firstly you will be duped into believing an old dump truck is approaching, but on receiving a confirmation visual, you’ll realize that the truck sound that you heard approaching is non other that the engine of the jalopy heap that he somehow relies on to get him from point “A” to “B”.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Not only has he been against the Jim Screechy foundation; in earlier years he had proved <u>extremel</u>y unsupportive and critical to anything not originated solely by his person.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">After which, while seeing the success of your plights, not to mention the mad groupies rushing you, he will attempt to rip-off your creative ideas in the guise of coming up with the same exact idea that you had. These attempts although similar in nature will reap the spoiled fruits of unoriginal behavior and soon will have amassed internet cobwebs, six-legged creatures and most compelling of all- <u>ZERO COMMENTS</u> on each and every article posted on his blog, resulting in the haunting of his psyche and most embarrassing- asking The J. Sheezy for creative help! Punishment is not yet served!</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>If you capture the individual you will be rewarded a meet and greet with me, where you will be expected to buy my person a tasty meal. You may or may not be allowed to come in contact with me- that decision is solely dependant on the presence of you owning real live pear shaped boobs and a killer ass, after which the decision will gravitate to a “Hell Yeah!” <b style="">(Disclaimer: No hermaphrodites, sex change patients need not apply!)</b></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">One photo opportunity is included in the deal, all else will have to be paid for and those proceeds will be put to a worthy but expensive cause- visiting my friends in Portmore.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Chiney pinches, Noogies, gut punches and constant kicking in the ass are acceptable as punishment. Theft of the tarnished silver chain he holds dear to his heart, found around his neck is suggested in order to bestow extreme emotional distress. But please don’t kill him- he’s my best friend.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1140189770264185792006-02-17T20:19:00.000+05:002006-07-28T11:12:49.210+05:00Ask Jim Screechy!<span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Have ANY question you would like to answer?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">ANY question? Why use a web search or flip through a dictionary when you can ask Jim Screechy.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><br />I offer personalised detailed answers to ANY question that you may pose whether it be solutions to everyday questions that are boggling your mind, political questions, social questions, I'll answer them free of cost!<br /><br />To hell with Ms. Cleo and those psychic wannabees! I'll give you the real deal, straight up!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Just leave your question in the form of a "comment" and I'll be sure to reply!<br /><br />(FOR EACH QUESTION POSTED, THERE WILL BE A $500.00 DONATION TO <span style="font-weight: bold;">THE</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">LISTA GILBY SCHOOL FOR THE DEAF</span>, SO DO YOUR PART TO CONTRIBUTE!)<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Holla!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">J. Sheezy</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1138395508162647712006-01-28T00:00:00.000+05:002006-12-19T02:03:01.390+05:00Maroons Angry??<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/1600/covermaroon.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/320/covermaroon.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" >"What you talkin' bout willis??!!"</span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><br /></span></div> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:courier new;" align="center"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:courier new;" align="center"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">It seems the <st1:country-region st="on">USA</st1:country-region> is bringing its domineering power to the <st1:place st="on">Caribbean</st1:place>. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Some fancy shmansy <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">US</st1:place></st1:country-region> company wants to build a casino in the Accompong village in JA. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>Did some research on why <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">US</st1:place></st1:country-region> companies like to make cash cows in derelict places, no matter where it is:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p><br />What the f*&ck are you still doing- wearing traditional outfits.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">It seems that<span style=""> </span>US stance in developing the area is more of<span style=""> </span>a friendly caring<span style=""> </span>push to us natives to ask ourselves “What the fuck are we still doing- wearing traditional slave out fits? It’s the 20<sup>th</sup> century!”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>Do you notice that the majority of these casinos are built in places, where locals still hunt for food instead of buying it? Where the language is still” abba dabbo doo daa” and not “May I have some grey poupon please?”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p><br />What benefit is it to still have Jamaicans walking around in post slavery garments beating dutch pan covers together and stamping bare feet in the dirt?. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Other than the obvious, “To keep or heritage.”, please leave a suitable comment….</span> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;" face="courier new" class="MsoNormal"> </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1134590687819608252005-12-15T00:55:00.000+05:002006-12-19T02:04:03.140+05:00The Portmore Dilemna- is a chick worth the traffic?<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/1600/electric-fly-swatter-desc.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/320/electric-fly-swatter-desc.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Required Equipment for trip to Portmore</span><br /></div><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"></span> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">So I’m on the causeway bridge- post road paving-, gas fumes, police squaddies on the corner, loud Portmore taxi music, a construction dump truck every 10 feet, bumper to bumper traffic and one dude who wants to take a serious dump.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">I ask myself how the hell did I reach in this position. <span style=""> </span>Me stuck in traffic, going to meet some girl in PORTMORE, and not even a BJ in the distance for my troubles venturing “Ovah di Waters”. </p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">It takes me 7 minutes max to reach any of yardies in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Kingston</st1:place></st1:city> 8. It takes me 20 fricking minutes to reach this chick. What is it with a Portmore chick? They’re defined by- most of them as having bubbly personalities and upbeat, but to tell you the truth, the good looking part is far and few between. </p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">All natives of this island, definitely talk too much Creole patois for my fine taste. It did indeed take a while to get used to, and it sure helps the situation if you mock them as they speak. I’ve found waving shrimp and pasta or fried fish and festival in front of them, tames there aggressiveness for a period of 30 minutes allowing them to socialize with persons of the <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Kingston</st1:place></st1:city> 8 district. You must be modest in your attempts to nourish them with uppity food as they grow to have a liking for the finer things and will soon start to burden your pocket with delicacies other than the well known Portmore food staple- KFC. Also, they are food monsters- I know of another Portmore chick that asks for pieces of foil paper at every function she goes to.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">So in asking if a Portmore Girl is worth the travel, you have to ask yourself a couple questions:</p> <ol style="margin-top: 0in; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" start="1" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="">Can you put up with the bad English?</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Are you willing to increase your gas purchase per week from $500 to $1500.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">How do you feel about being cooped up in a 6foot by foot cell..I mean room with Portmore sized mosquitoes and Portmore heat.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">How do you feel about your only culinary options changing from the vast amount of delicacies in KGN, to a limited, grease laden KFC, KFC and did I say KFC, every quarter mile?</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Are you willing to invest in a <b style=""><u>mandatory</u></b> Electronic Mosquito Swatter?</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Are you willing to come up with new and innovative ways to explain why you won’t be able to drop her ass home? (I’ve found that the “working late” line only works for max one month, after which, they tend to memorize your working habits.)</li> </ol> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1130795266206469592005-11-01T01:43:00.000+05:002005-11-01T02:56:03.923+05:00The Rat Race<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/1600/ratrace.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4487/1103/320/ratrace.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Portia, Phillips and Old Boy Omar. While some of us are concerned with the new leader of the PNP, Jim Screechy seems only concerned with who will look better in the most critiqued position in JA.</span><br /><p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">It’s all trivial pursuits and cosmetic appearances I’m concerned about. I did a poll and asked person the following questions; let’s see who scores the most in these paltry categories:</p> <table class="MsoTableGrid" style="border: medium none ; border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"> <tbody><tr style=""> <td style="border: 1pt solid windowtext; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt; font-weight: bold;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center">Questions</p> </td> <td style="border-style: solid solid solid none; border-color: windowtext windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: 1pt 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt; font-weight: bold;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center">Simpson-Miller</p> </td> <td style="border-style: solid solid solid none; border-color: windowtext windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: 1pt 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt; font-weight: bold;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center">Davies</p> </td> <td style="border-style: solid solid solid none; border-color: windowtext windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: 1pt 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt; font-weight: bold;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center">That other Dude…oh..Phillips</p> </td> </tr> <tr style=""> <td style="border-style: none solid solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">Most expected to die of a coronary/stress related Disease.</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">3%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">56%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">41%</p> </td> </tr> <tr style=""> <td style="border-style: none solid solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">Most use of “ahmm”, during speeches/debates.</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">20%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">50%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">30%</p> </td> </tr> <tr style=""> <td style="border-style: none solid solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">Most use of the absent mind stare.</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">10%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">20%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">70%</p> </td> </tr> <tr style=""> <td style="border-style: none solid solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">Who seems to get first ‘dibbs’ on the latest model Mitsubishi Pajero.</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">15%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">54%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">31%</p> </td> </tr> <tr style=""> <td style="border-style: none solid solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">Most likely to use bi-focals in spare time to wreak havoc on unsuspecting citizens..ahm I mean insects.</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">ZIP!</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">33%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">67%</p> </td> </tr> <tr style=""> <td style="border-style: none solid solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">Who didn’t pay attention in Public speaking class.</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">5%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">80%</p> </td> <td style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color windowtext windowtext -moz-use-text-color; border-width: medium 1pt 1pt medium; padding: 0in 5.4pt; width: 110.7pt;" valign="top" width="148"> <p class="MsoNormal">15%</p> </td> </tr> </tbody> </table> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p><b style="">Portia Simpson-Miller</b>- Eloquent, tasteful and highly popular to female masses wearing only brightly coloured bras and tights; as well as loose wrist males. She boasts a popular rating unsurpassed by her colleagues, as she is the only politician smart enough to know about the points and popularity one can score simply by showing up at public audiences and looking like you give a damn. Portia could easily win the battle- if the decision was left up to the general public and/or if we lived in a country that would ever see a skirt in such a momentous position.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Davies</b>- Absolutely notorious. His notoriety surpasses Portia only in the fact that he’s the reason most Jamaican motorists carry a ‘half a lass’ (small cutlass) in their car. The mere thought of having a chance to slash this mans tires or legislative writing fingers come at a risk Jamaicans are willing to take. </p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">Davies is undoubtedly the cause of every Jamaicans’ “Blood-cloth!”, “Jeezaz Christ”, “Kiss mi Neck!”, “To Raghtid!” and other profanities after realizing how much G.C.T has amounted to, after each and every single purchase island wide.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">Feared by the general public, especially near to the national budget debate, when citizens, already riddled with every tax under the sun, believe that even Jamaican popular culture scenarios are vulnerable to the tax fangs of Davies’. </p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I speculate the following are probable taxes-based off the enormous revenue they can generate for the Government:</p> <ul style="margin-top: 0in; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" type="disc"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="">Midnight Parking Tax on <st1:address st="on"><st1:street st="on">Knutsford Blvd</st1:street>, <st1:city st="on">Kingston</st1:city></st1:address>.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">KFC, <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Manor</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">Park</st1:placetype></st1:place>, Friday Night, waiting line tax.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Downtown Sidewalk Higgler Tax.(Baggies & Bingo’s seem to have a huge profit margin down there) </li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Capital Crime Tax (to be imposed on sentenced prisoners for each life they snuff out)</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">White Collar, <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Kingston</st1:place></st1:city> 8 Crime Tax</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Portmore Residents’ Housing Expansion Tax ( applicable to 1 bedroom houses that miraculously turn into 5 bedroom, 2 story houses overnight.)</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Uptown Kid’s Travelers’ Tax (presently under the disguise as “speeding tickets”) on route to Heroes, Emancipation, Labour Day and Easter Weekend parties.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Jamaican “Rotisserie Chicken Craze” Tax. (Talk about a freaking benefit to the bachelors and wutless housewives man!</li> </ul> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">PHILLIPS- the person partly responsible for every defunct crime fighting initiative.<br />Silent, swift and damn near forgotten in terms of publicity. Countless times during this article I had to Google this dude! He’s been around so long, but I’ll be darned if I can remember his first name for more than an hour. Very notorious for hiring a deranged psychopath as Police Superintendent to do his bidding on the streets of <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Jamaica</st1:place></st1:country-region>. ( See article entitled, “Operation Kingfish-JA’s new crime fighting initiative)</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1130279499488378242005-10-26T03:24:00.000+05:002005-10-26T03:31:39.496+05:00I'm back in two shakes of a lambs tail!<span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:arial;" >Hello loyal subjects. Due to the suppressiveness of my 9-5, I haven't been posting as regular as I would like to.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:arial;" >Some developments have occured, and I promise to you, my sheep ,that I will now be delivering a modest amount of my 'dope' to you.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:arial;" >In conjunction I will try my best to actually respond to the comments that you leave behind, instead of just reading them and quitely calling you a doosh bag.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12818105.post-1129910777382209372005-10-21T21:02:00.000+05:002006-07-31T09:19:35.600+05:00Who the Hell is Ms. Right? I’m looking for Ms. Right Now!<p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">When I started writing this piece, my sole purpose wasn’t just to try and make an extra buck, this serves as a Public service Announcement to all my brothers.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">I want to enlighten the masses about the painful but undeniable truth- there is no “Ms. Right.”<span style=""> </span>It’s a phony prophecy conjured and hammered into our heads from watching those blasted animated Disney movies at an early age, promising everlasting, unwavering love and happiness. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p>There is no right chick, we men are fickle, and only deal with what feels right at the time. After each painful removal of our heart by that girl we had a crush on, guys quickly figure out what to do next time-why search, when you can wait until something drops on your plate? That’s what dog’s do and they’re happy, right? So instead of going down the depressed route and asking yourself if you’re really suppose to be gay because of so many failed relationships; look on it the realistic way- all girls come standard with a minimum of 6 basic flaws that we men can’t control: Weight Issues, Friend Issues, Mental Issues, Hair Issues, Skin Issues & last but not least- the overuse of the little orifice we like to call the mouth, The Talking Issue.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>Using my PIMP experience, I’ve come up with a couple of female categories that I guarantee will cross a male’s life during one point in his life. These categories, however paltry do represent true to life episodes of some writers’… I mean some dudes dynamic story. Read on and see if you can identify a type of girl that has crossed your path. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>Remember guys, the secret to getting over any girl is to have a good insurance policy- have a backup chick. I use the best one out there, it's called “Pimp Protection”.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></o:p></span></u></b></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;">The Wifey<o:p></o:p></span></u></b><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">The closest specimen ever en route to the fictitious notion of “Ms. Right”. Normally she is viewed as the first girlfriend from the days of high school. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">We normally illustrate this girl as “the one who got away” and never had to tuck in her belly while doing so. The reason this girl slipped through you buttery-ass fingers is due to some uncontrollable occurrence: Migration, attending University abroad or because of sexual tension -as the wife NEVER puts out- you are caught sniffing...I mean searching around in her delicates’ draw. She’s the girl you compare all the other girls in your life to. The one you find yourself chatting to for hours on MSN Messenger, when you should really be concentrating on your 9-5 job. No matter how much effort you try and put into getting her back, you find yourself repeatedly slamming into the “Best Buds” wall she has formed between the both of you.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span><br /><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;">The All out Hoe<o:p></o:p></span></u></b><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Also defined as being at least two years younger than you. This variety can be found grazing any trendy store. Eye contact is made, mouths salivate, ‘tents’ pitch and she gives you every opportunity in the world to get dem digits. Yes, it’s as easy as that. The next day you get to talking and behold- the first question to come out her mouth is if you’re a virgin, and if so how many positions and places have you had sex. After being a bit dodgy with the question and finding out that she has done ‘it’ almost everywhere including her ex’s car bonnet, she reveals to you the only way a rendezvous can happen is if you pick her up at her aunt’s house- as the ‘pops’ is a Pastor, has some idea about her past ‘conquests’ and wouldn’t approve of any gentleman callers sniffing around the porch-which leads to the verification of the Jamaican Myth: females spawned from ‘men of the cloth’ are the “Worst bad bruck Pinckney on the face of the planet!”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">So after getting all the particulars straight with the chick, you rendezvous, do the ‘do’ and get to stepping. After a couple ‘rumbles, you both have your full, it’s neither here or there. <o:p></o:p>No calls, no need to pass by aunties house anymore. Easy come, easy go.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;">The Juvenile a.k.a Ticky Ticky<o:p></o:p></span></u></b><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">This variety is defined by the capacity to always be laughing and/or giggling about almost anything in sight, or anything that come </span><span lang="FR-CA" style="font-family:Arial;">out</span><span style="font-family:Arial;"> of your mouth. She has the affinity to be light headed most, if not all of the time, which results in and compliments her bold and wild freakiness. Example: Subject will try and bestow southward pleasures on you, or try and make you play “Hide Frankie the Finger” while her mom is watching The Learning Channel in the next room. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Subject is also characterized to be the MOST manny manny girl ever- due to her age she is always reliant on the attention of a wide variety of men.<br /></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">The manniness in her comes to a climax while at some party that you both attend, she dances with every guy except you, as you stand by watching like the teenage bait that you are.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="Style1" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;">The Disheartened Wench<o:p></o:p></span></u></b><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">This character only comes along as a result of you and your ‘boys’ sticking to the ‘G Code’ that simply states: “Sharing is caring”. This character is normally recommended from a close friend. The subject is still not over THAT friend, so the timely intervention & soothing company of another male is key. Still not over the pain of lost love, most conversations are filled with, “I just can’t believe he did that.” to which -if you’re smart- you’ll reply, “I know just how you feel.” <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">After enduring a couple weeks of neediness on her part, if you pull this off right enough, coupled with strategic pathetic sad puppy faces, it’ll definitely get you to where you want to be: a comfy parking space at Devon House, at night, Air Conditioning on the lowest possible temperature and a baton twirling security guard amidst; left baffled as to why your car is the only one with foggy windows. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p></o:p>The ‘Joe Grind’ Experience<o:p></o:p></span></u></b><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">This species is defined by her stunning looks. She’s the type that EVERY guy goes after. No one is immune to her beauty. The short of it is that she is all pretty face but no character whatsoever- but her ass is too fine to pass up, even if it leads you down a road of destruction. How do you meet? She’s got a man, they’re having problems, and she calls you every night in tears after they come off the phone. She needs comforting. Comforting leads to, “Hey what you doing for lunch tomorrow?” Lunch leads to long gazes and playing footsy under the table of Pizza Hut, oblivious to her friend sitting right beside you. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">All of sudden you both are the quintessential “Batty & Bench” -always seen together. A day doesn’t go by that she doesn’t call you or flirt with you. Your natural human response is a fast and steady development of an oily ‘pudding’ in your back, until one day after weeks of resisting her temptations you give in. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>From that day on, you are an official male matey. All her friends see you together but have no idea what’s going on. Constant Joe grinding is the order of the day, she can’t get enough of you, and vice versa. You find every parking lot in both major universities to quench the lust for each other, every free school period an opportunity to drive back home together. You’re enamored by her beauty and the ‘props’ you get from other guys for actually knowing this chick. You eventually cause the break up between her long time boyfriend, and all her friends find out. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>You’re status is now raised to “Top Shotta”, as you are the “guy to break up this great relationship”. Eventually Karma is the bitch she always is, and what goes around comes around. She moves on to some other dude, as the relationship is “too much to handle” and “everyone is talking”. You’re a train wreck and sad that you’ve lost the best piece of ass to ever cross your path, but what always brings a smile to your face is the reminiscing of the way you ‘wore that out.’ <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;">The Christian Chick<o:p></o:p></span></u></b><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">After your many college years of pimping, you decide to take a break. Maybe you need a little Jesus in your life. You’re weary from the long and treacherous road of College Hoes. The thought always crossed your mind, but you never believed you would ever find a good looking Christian chick. So you find her. She’s a 7, but that’s ok, as there’s almost no good looking Christian chicks in <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">Jamaica</st1:country-region></st1:place> anyway. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Her attributes are immature behavior and what I like to refer to as ‘Chicken Coop Syndrome’-locked off and totally unaware of society’s norms and values because of her devout love for God. You find her passion for God mysterious and enlightening- she actually has your lazy behind going back to church, and quoting scriptures. You can see a future ahead of you: Kids, picket fences, a dog named Rambo and the smell of bacon; however you are always questioning yourself if the sex will be any good, when you finally do get some -will she consult God first if I tell her my fantasies of wanting Rambo and the Parakeet watching us have sex? <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Later on you realize that she’s not really mysterious; she’s actually just fucking boring. You’re not allowed to watch a freaking horror movie, your beloved Sopranos, or your Sunday Night HBO line up- as it’s ungodly and she doesn’t approve of such things. You ask yourself if you can stand another Saturday of watching freaking “Shrek” with her baby sister.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p> </o:p>Because of her ‘Chicken Coop Syndrome’, she doesn’t respond well to problems, and the first thing she does when hardship arises is to run and drop the Jesus Bomb on you-“I’m sorry, I talked to my councilor and she said that if I don’t feel comfortable about something I should just let it pass.” <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">The Conclusion? You tell yourself never to talk to another girl that doesn’t know her left foot, from her right.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;">The Snake under Grass ‘Ho’<o:p></o:p></span></u></b><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">The <b style="">MOST</b> deceptive bitch ever to ever cross your path. She is characterized by the only girl to slip by your pimp radar and do the pimping herself…on you! <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">She is defined by her family problems, constant talk about marriage and a better life which is anywhere but home, away from one or both of her annoying parents. She makes you feel like a king for the first couple of months. Bending to your will, and most importantly- into any pretzel shape you desire. You put food in her trough whenever she comes over, as for some reason she isn’t well fed at home.(which is ironic considering the last sentence on this type)<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;">You’re amazed of the girlfriend attributes she has: Rubbing your back while you watch Television and being cool enough to actually own and play a video game console, but still you keep your distance, pimping isn’t easy after all. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="Style1"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><o:p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> </o:p><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">However, after a couple of months of a trivial relationship and squabbles, while still your girlfriend, goes abroad and comes back married. Yes married. No matter how deceptive and evil it sounds you strangely find yourself relieved and getting over her with ease; because of the one problem that stood out from the moment you met her, the reason you never carried her ass out in public, the thing that irked you silently, the one thing, no matter what excellent things she pulled off in bed- still pulled at the steel core of your masculine shallowness and inner sanctity-she wa</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">s a porker.(fat/swine/Ms. Piggy)</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com36