The Portmore Dilemna- is a chick worth the traffic?

Required Equipment for trip to Portmore

So I’m on the causeway bridge- post road paving-, gas fumes, police squaddies on the corner, loud Portmore taxi music, a construction dump truck every 10 feet, bumper to bumper traffic and one dude who wants to take a serious dump.

I ask myself how the hell did I reach in this position. Me stuck in traffic, going to meet some girl in PORTMORE, and not even a BJ in the distance for my troubles venturing “Ovah di Waters”.

It takes me 7 minutes max to reach any of yardies in Kingston 8. It takes me 20 fricking minutes to reach this chick. What is it with a Portmore chick? They’re defined by- most of them as having bubbly personalities and upbeat, but to tell you the truth, the good looking part is far and few between.

All natives of this island, definitely talk too much Creole patois for my fine taste. It did indeed take a while to get used to, and it sure helps the situation if you mock them as they speak. I’ve found waving shrimp and pasta or fried fish and festival in front of them, tames there aggressiveness for a period of 30 minutes allowing them to socialize with persons of the Kingston 8 district. You must be modest in your attempts to nourish them with uppity food as they grow to have a liking for the finer things and will soon start to burden your pocket with delicacies other than the well known Portmore food staple- KFC. Also, they are food monsters- I know of another Portmore chick that asks for pieces of foil paper at every function she goes to.

So in asking if a Portmore Girl is worth the travel, you have to ask yourself a couple questions:

1. Can you put up with the bad English?
2. Are you willing to increase your gas purchase per week from $500 to $1500.
3. How do you feel about being cooped up in a 6foot by foot cell..I mean room with Portmore sized mosquitoes and Portmore heat.
4. How do you feel about your only culinary options changing from the vast amount of delicacies in KGN, to a limited, grease laden KFC, KFC and did I say KFC, every quarter mile?
5. Are you willing to invest in a mandatory Electronic Mosquito Swatter?
6. Are you willing to come up with new and innovative ways to explain why you won’t be able to drop her ass home? (I’ve found that the “working late” line only works for max one month, after which, they tend to memorize your working habits.)