Bob Woolmer's Death Caused By Local Ghetto Slam

Amid the skepticism surrounding the death of the Pakistan Coach, there hasn't been much research into the clear and obvious fact ( nevertheless politically incorrect) that Woolmer simply died from his voracity for ethnic flesh.

The typical scapegoat of consorting with illegal bets and sport corruption plays no part in his demise. Woolmer suffered from the exact same viral disease that all men (and non gender hand puppets like myself) suffer from-the need to conquer yet another piece of female flesh.

The proximity of punnany (not Punjabi) is what led him to choose the Jamaica Pegasus as the choice hotel for the team. New Kingston, is full of agents of flesh, and the Platinum night club was to be his chosen stop. Thoughts of engaging in ethnic delights reached out to his masculine core and tugged him from his hotel room that night. Sources say that Woolmer left Pegasus, was seen at Platinum, and returned to his hotel room with a "young lady in a blood red dress."

What many didn't know about Woolmer, is that he liked to engage in a certain sexual fetish known as the "Scissor Hold" and longed to try out a local for his next and fatal interaction as well as getting a local Ghetto Slam to boot. As fate would have it, he took back to the hotel with him, not a local JA girl, but one of the popular Latina's from Platinum. A leaked picture taken in the hotel room shows Woolmer and the prostitute engaging in the sexual act that killed him. Speculation is that the Latina's English was not so good and that Woolmer's pleas or shouting of the safety word, indicating for her to stop, were interpreted by the Latina whore, to squeeze tighter.

"How Stella got her groove back" led many black American women, to Jamaican hotels in search of a male from the Food & Beverage or watersports department for a mate. The islands sexually explicit dancing has lured many foreign men to the shores of Jamaica, seeking the famous dancehall Ghetto Slam that's been given worldwide recognition. poor Woolmer was just taking advantage of being in the country at the right time.

The Ghetto Slam is a predominantly vigorous and gymnastic styled sex performed by local women and can be learned rather easily by ethnics such as the Latina above. Many foreign men seek such acts to supplement and even in some cases replace the boorish sexual acts performed by their less than desirable wives.

Woolmer, being very old wasn't up for the requirements of the Ghetto Slam and his stamina level was depleted to a point where he was unable to prevent the crushing of the bones in his neck, like previous encounters. This slow and cruel crushing caused him to loose control over his bowels, resulting in the excretement found on the floor of the hotel room.

It's common that persons from different cultures other than the Caribbean, revolve around a much slower pace of living. This slower pace affects both physical movement, agility (which supports the fact that most Europeans/westerners are Porkers) and ability to be cunning. Citizens of a first world country don't have to conceptualize cunning ways of beating the system and dodging the police. A first/second world country supplies a quantity and level of comforts allowing the citizens to move and live at a slower pace. However it's interesting to note that if we as a third world country are suppose to be more cunning and 'faster' as a result of the system, why do many of our top business leaders remain white? Unfortunately I'll have to touch on that in another post.

In short, Woolmer lived up to stereotype of a typical white man, that "Can't handle the wuk"