Ask what the new Police Comish can do for you-January 15,2005

The New Police Commish-what’s in store?

Squaddie or Squaddy (skwod ’ē), n. pl.-dies.
Jamaican Informal. a Policeman by technical standards, however by the standards of civilized Jamaicans- an irate/ disgruntled/ inept member of the police force who for his/her mental ability should actually be better suited tending to someone’s lawn as an alternative to being assigned a patrol vehicle and a government issued firearm.

The expected babble of what is to be expected of the new Police Commish replacing the much inept and disappointing ousted ex Police Commissioner Francis Forbes has started and the boring published high hopes of the media (soon to be crushed in the near future because of the impending, predictable cataclysmic flop of any JA political venture) about what can be done for the new button pusher, Lucius Thomas to improve what we all currently refer to as the er…Police Force of Jamaica (?)

Bill Johnson of Johnson’s Survey has been appointed the expected and tedious task of instilling hope in a country that should have given up a long time ago about the hopes for the Police Force. He does this by recommending ways as how Lucy old Boy can ‘connect’ with the massives, thus gaining our trust and maybe even the trust of the relatives of those purposely snuffed out by Reneto ‘Mad Max’ Adams??…(See archived article, entitled, “Operation Kingfish- Jamaica’s Latest Crime fighting Squad-October 20,2004”)

Well, for the pill popping, purple skunked eyed, politically un-inclined, Jimscreechy of www.jimscreechy.blogspot.com has come up with a number of ways the new Commish can improve the Police Force, thus regaining respect in the eyes of the public in his first few couple a months:

1. First and foremost, send back ¾ of the entire Police Force to re-sit their CXC English language exam and even if they do pass…send them back just to be sure!! We the people, are tired of being pulled over in our cars, only to be badgered by near leotard wearing, fresh outta da camp squaddies that cant even speak English!

2. Please! Please! Get rid of the middle aged Cop, always at the scene of a crime, on the 8 o’clock news, wearing a tight polyester khaki uniform and top hat, swinging around his S&M baton. He NEVER has any other comment for the reporters, other than, “We accosted the individual at approximately (so and so time), and then we proceeded to detain him and will be questioning him further on the matter. During this pathetic display of Public Relations- beads of sweat are rolling down his face and his eyes are darting all over the place, eagerly searching for something to inspire his next statement.

3. How about actually assigning those fresh, green, group of squaddies, posted all around Kingston somewhere shady to stand so that they wont be so irate and cocky when they do stop us. Maybe the root of their derangement lies in being pelted by the sun hours for hours at a time. Brain fried squaddies might tend to only wreak more havoc on the un assuming public.


4. Make it mandatory for, “How bad is my driving? Call this number..“ decals to be placed on the back of all police vehicles. How much times have we the people had to pull over on the curb to let through a police vehicle-sirens a blazing only to notice on their passing by that the vehicle is filled with two catties smiling in approval at the squaddies successful attempt to show their power over traffic. Double dating on taxpayers $ are they?

5. Last, but one of the most noteworthy suggestions should be on the delivery of new police initiatives. Whether they be crime deterrent initiatives, public relation initiatives or maybe even the promise of a spanking new fleet of automobiles; always Lucy old boy, start your public speeches/ press conferences with emphasis on “maybe it can work” or “we hope to do the following things” :

Good luck old boy and we look forward to your first job productivity assessment later down in the year. Lets hope you don’t bomb.


Jim Screechy