Required Equipment for trip to Portmore
So I’m on the causeway bridge- post road paving-, gas fumes, police squaddies on the corner, loud Portmore taxi music, a construction dump truck every 10 feet, bumper to bumper traffic and one dude who wants to take a serious dump.
I ask myself how the hell did I reach in this position. Me stuck in traffic, going to meet some girl in PORTMORE, and not even a BJ in the distance for my troubles venturing “Ovah di Waters”.
It takes me 7 minutes max to reach any of yardies in
All natives of this island, definitely talk too much Creole patois for my fine taste. It did indeed take a while to get used to, and it sure helps the situation if you mock them as they speak. I’ve found waving shrimp and pasta or fried fish and festival in front of them, tames there aggressiveness for a period of 30 minutes allowing them to socialize with persons of the
So in asking if a Portmore Girl is worth the travel, you have to ask yourself a couple questions:
- Can you put up with the bad English?
- Are you willing to increase your gas purchase per week from $500 to $1500.
- How do you feel about being cooped up in a 6foot by foot cell..I mean room with Portmore sized mosquitoes and Portmore heat.
- How do you feel about your only culinary options changing from the vast amount of delicacies in KGN, to a limited, grease laden KFC, KFC and did I say KFC, every quarter mile?
- Are you willing to invest in a mandatory Electronic Mosquito Swatter?
- Are you willing to come up with new and innovative ways to explain why you won’t be able to drop her ass home? (I’ve found that the “working late” line only works for max one month, after which, they tend to memorize your working habits.)
12 comments:
Ur a sucker for punishment arern't you?
What can I say seeker- I'm trying to be "The king of all media" here in Jamaica- left two comments for you today! Holler!
Saw them, thanx for droppin by. (y)
LOL tell her to pay for the gas. You're at least worth that I assume.:D
I can't wait to hear ure garbage on this topic.
Why does it have to be a matter of whether or not she is worth it?
It's the same distance b/w pmore and TOWN!! so if she's not good enough for you to come see, then u're not good enough for her to come see either (whether or not she DOES have to come into Kgn).
Further, we all know u ain't going nowhere in no traffic anywayz.....
it was too short......sure you have nothing more to say???
speak now or forever hold your PIECE...;)
REPLIES:
Mel:-
I'll ask her, hopefully her KFC addicts hasnt drained her pocket
allison:-
Sure it's the same distance (portmore to town), but it sure isn't if you're WALKING. Hence her ass not being able to make the trip.
a real woman:-
yes I have more to say. However the person I interviewed for this 'piece' was not available for furthe r conversation.
*!@@@@ I would like to ask all of you one thing....are you all gay? WTF is it with this jim screechy sh*t. First of all you are all like 24 years old.....grow up...take your finger out of your mouths and find something better to do. Number two.....lets see..would i read a "Pimp manual" that Jim screechy wrote......ha....maybe if i was trying to get fuc*ked in my ass....number three......"how do you like your balls... salty?" that something i want to post all over my blog.....sike....you fu&king fag.....last but most important......GET A LIFE...Thank you for your time....
P.S. just because you talk...maybe fu@k.....girls does not mean your not gay...dont lie to yourself....thanks for the laugh....shoot yourself....have a nice day :)
REPLY TO:
Disgruntled Portmore Chick/Person who just spent 2 hours in traffic to get home:
First of all I would like to say thank you for your verbal poo- I dont get much here as most of the persons who blog are kinda churchy. Please don't be shy in FULLY spelling out your bad words-to my knowledge we are all adults at this fancy blogger place.
If however your Mommy was behind you while typing and only allows the use of expletives while you're behind closed doors with her- fully understood, but twisted. :S
Gay? I'm a fricking hand puppet- I didn't even realise I came with a gender, I'll do a physical to see if I can find anything and I'll be sure to get back to you. Neither, do I have an asshole for gay sex, puppets don't deficate. The "salty balls" I refer to in my profile are the complimentary Tamarind treats I send to persons who don't like my site, you know the lil' bagged Tamarinds? Yes? no?
(It's like when you click on "Decline" when you're asked if you want to enter a porn site, and they then redirect you to website selling figurines)
We bloggers here should grow up? You mean grow up and turn into miserable,grumpy,lonely persons who have nothing to do but hate? Mmm.. I wonder if I know you.
PS- You used way too much ellipsis's, (The 3 full stops) when you really should have used commas. When trying to wreak havoc, try and convey some sort of brilliance so it doesn't appear you failed CXC English a couple of times. Have a nice day :)
Ha Ha Ha! HI, J. Sheezy, looks like you got them running scurred. That person sounds so disgruntled!
I liked this post, even though it was a bit short..:P
well I had a good laugh. Very funny is all I can say.Some people really thin skinned though as I've observed by reading the comments. How gay get into this discussion I'm still trying to figure out. that portmore part,though many would admit to being true,may not be appropriate cauz of the fellings ting that will arise. Overall jimscreechy mi love it.the commentary is very witty.
2007 update: No, a Portmore chick is definitely NOT worth the traffic.
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