Rat Vs The Zebra for JLP Leadership-October 24,2004

Zebra VS. Back & Belly Rat (Old Folk Saying used to describe a "Backstabber")


As a race for the next president of The U.S.A goes on, Jamaica is also having its own.
This race is for the new leader of the JLP. The two contenders being Bruce Golding and Pearnel Charles.

I would think that they would take the election seriously and seize every opportune moment to voice their main objectives and strategies. In recent Gleaner interviews they do nothing but regurgitate the equivalent insipid facts we hear repeatedly.

Bruce Golding
Hailing from Ginger Ridge St. Catherine, Mr. Golding’s ‘main arguments’ appear to be centred around narratives that some of us have come to be familiar with by hearing them from our parents.
“We had tanks at the back and fetched water to bring it into the house. Bedrooms had a washstand, a big enameled basin and what we called, ahmm a goblet, and an outside toilet. That’s how we grew up!”

“When I was 7, my mom got a job at Alpha and that’s why we moved to Kingston. My father bought a house there and that’s where we lived.”

Off the record, Mr. Golding, lost in the moment stated that in the morning, while his mom dropped him to school, she would occasionally take a hanky, swabbed with some of her saliva and proceed to wipe his ashy forehead and white squall if he had forgotten to lotion properly.

Bruce making at least one valuable point in why he would be a good candidate was that it was in his blood and it was his late father, former Speaker of the house, Tacious Nathaniel Golding who enthused him, by taking him to political meetings at night.

Pearnel Charles
A fellow Social Activist like my self, the zebra striped Pearnel Charles takes the family approach. Ever boasting about his seven children all who have reputable achievements- three Medical Doctors, a dentist, one lawyer and a PhD candidate…. the last child probably illegitimate as he/she was not mentioned.
“If a person can manage and properly run a family, you can do it for a nation. My children are products of careful development, from day one, even the toys that they played with where carefully chosen”

Seeing that no hardcore evidence has been given to us voters to help make a decision lets see how the contender’s stack up to an important over looked facto, popularity and moral standing.



Conclusion
Pearnel Charles wins for the said reasons:

Pearnel undeniably has the young vote, gained for being fashionably conscious for so long, as it has to do with hair styling. He also gets props for managing to develop seven outstanding kids. One Dr. in the family is good, but three, and a lawyer?

Golding is a very controversial figure. Hailed as a traitor when he left the JLP to form his own party in direct opposition to his past associates. Also deemed as a “Ginnal” and probably has an agenda to alter the structure of the JLP. Shady character.

JA Health Ministry jumps on the initiative bandwagon-October 23, 2004

The choice is yours...or is it?
In adding to the argument that Jamaican politicians are more of a response-based bunch instead of being revolutionary, The Ministry of Health is in discussion to release their own form of ‘Crime/Health Initiative’, focusing on criminalizing the act of infecting someone with the HIV Virus.

Speculations are it will be dubbed as “Operation Genital Restraint”. The new focus comes from pressures mounted by West Indies Junior Chamber CARICOM two-day summit held on Tuesday, pressuring Government to take legal action against persons who knowingly infect others with the deadly HIV/AIDS Virus. At current, obvious enough in Caribbean countries, there is no known law, which makes the infection of others an illegal act.

As though it was a sign of God to come, also on the heels of the AIDS/HIV debate on Tuesday, held at the Jamaican Conference Centre, was Karen Turner, USAID’s Mission Director for Jamaica and the Caribbean.

Ms. Turner stated that like crime HIV should be seen as a significant threat to the economic and social well being of Jamaica. Probably still suffering from the effects of jet lag, she also made the bizarre note that if the oversexed, lust pot Country of Brazil can do it, why not Jamaica?

“Brazil has cut its infection rates by 50%, especially among men who have sex with men.” (!?!?!?)

Evidently Ms. Turners theory of prospect in Jamaica was slightly skewed, and is not aware that here we are still, only quite partial to the idea of men having sex with women. And then there is, of course a niche of some, who are ‘not-so-disapproving’ of women… who have sex with women….like me.

Speculations are that Minister of Health, John Junior want this new initiative, to set out to take an unprecedented approach to the H.I.V/A.I.D.S crisis and will also be in direct competition with the agenda of decreasing the amount of casualties in the island yearly.

Speculated responses are that, Dr. Peter Philips stated that though the day after the Kingfish initiative was announced, 4 persons where killed in gang related crimes, the chance of the Ministry of Health’s Operations in prosecuting individuals will have to wait their turn as it requires police presence to do so, and that is a public service only to be available after Kingfish becomes another official flop.

Jim Screechy

Donald ‘Zekes’ Phipps charged!-October 19, 2004

A brief rest before the last cavity search










Apparently my notion that Zekes would be a strong candidate for the next mayor of Kingston was wrong! I contemplated this since he seemed to have more control and say over what happens in certain areas of the downtown community, more so than the relevant bumbling authorities. Finally some dirt has been found on this area don who has been the axis of shady attention in Mathews Lane, Kingston for over four years.

Mr. Zekes rose to popularity in 1998 when he was shackled and jailed for 48 hours by the police, and in retaliation the entire downtown area was ‘locked’ by irate residents- road blocks, burning debris, women jumping up and down in the streets with only their bras and neon colored tights on, and other well known 7 o’clock news eye candy. Our very own law enforcement also clashed with gunmen during this time, astonished by the power and charisma that this one man wielded.

Zekes was also called upon to squelch the violence between rival gunmen of Mathews Lane and Tivoli Gardens in recent weeks, forcing merchants in downtown to close their businesses. Thus showing his aptitude for vagrant control and order…something our tax hungry, Mitsubishi Pajero driving, fat cats lack the ability to do.

Zekes was officially charged on October 16, 2004 with the illegal possession of ammunition and possession of and dealing in Ganja. He was also found with US$43,000 and JA$6.4 Million! That sneaky bastard! On being detained, he is said to have remained calm and ‘instructed’ the community not to obstruct the course of the law. Boy, what a leader. I can only hope for his sake, that this pint-sized man has the same power and say in what goes on with the undertakings of his rare end when he is sent to prison. What goes around comes around huh? Memories of HBO’s “Oz” anyone?

Jim Screechy

Operation Kingfish- Jamaica’s Latest Crime fighting Squad-October 20,2004

Minister of National Security, Dr. Peter Phillips addressing key private sector leaders and reporters at the Hilton Kingston Hotel last night, said that this year’s latest installment (in a string of over a dozen failed attempts within the last 12 years) of a crime fighting initiative is in progress, and has been dubbed, “Operation Kingfish”!

Dr. Phillips theorizes that the spanking new name is suffice to instill confidence in the citizens of Jamaica that with the alarming death toll caused by criminal gangs, some, if not all of us will actually have a chance of living through the last quarter to see the blessed new year. Noting that the death toll is now officially at 1,161, the most ever recorded in the nations history, Dr. Phillips was certain in his mind that the sudden initiative will derail the performance based embarrassment the party has been facing for the duration of the party’s leadership.

Squad & Year Implemented
Echo Squad: 1976

Ranger Squad: 1980

Eradication Squad: 1981

Area Four Task Force: 1986

Operation Ardent: 1992


SACTF (ACID): 1993


Operation Crest: 1995


Operation Justice: 1995


Operation Dovetail: 1997


Organized Crime Unit: 1998


Operation Intrepid: 1999


Crime Management Unit: 2000


Organized Crime Investigation Division: 2003


Operation Kingfish: 2004




Dr. Clueless stated that brainstormed names as, “Operation Incompetent”, “I-.B.A.D- Innocent Bystander Assassination Division”, “The Unorganized Bungling Idiot Squad”, “Operation Hopeless”, and “A.C.I.D II - Allied Cumbersome Inept Department”, where all revoked as they shed too much light on public thoughts of previous crime fighting initiatives or surfaced matters that needed to be kept on the down low.

Learning from past experiences, not to head up task forces, with flamboyant, deranged killing psychopaths (i.e. Senior Superintendent Reneto Adams), a virtually unknown will be taking over this years mandate of breaking the back of organized crime. Assistant Commissioner Glenmore Hinds will be the Governments manageable puppet- a 27-year veteran of the Jamaica Constabulary Force.
Passionately trying to avoid ‘Reneto-like’ public relations disasters, the government before approving his position, ordered every test short of DNA scrutiny, which included a detailed background check, physical, urine and stool samples, unfathomable cavity checks and rigid psychoanalysis.

For those who don’t remember, Senior Superintendent Reneto Adams was the former leader of the now redundant Crime Management Unit (CMU), which was disbanded by Police Commissioner Francis Forbes last June after failure to meet objectives of stopping dons and deportees involved in Crime. Instead of stopping the said people, Reneto is claimed to have targeted them in the scope of his rifle instead; thus positioning himself in a number of controversial killings and being subject to high profile investigations.

Jim Screechy